26 Weeks Pregnant

As I walk into my appointments, I am filled with so much hope. Hope that I’ll see healing. Hope that all my prayers will have been answered. Hope that I’ll see the Healer at work.

Last week, I got to see John Haven for the first time in a few weeks. And oh, was he beautiful! I was so expectant of the miracle, but his body was still broken. We learned he was measuring 3 weeks behind. And as much as my spirit believes in the Lord’s perfect plan, I was heartbroken. Oh how my heart longs for healing. My spirit is so desperate for the miracle!

But we still have hope. Because a negative report doesn’t change our trust in the Father. John Haven is still in the hands of his Maker. And that’s something I can trust with all my heart. He is still being knit together so perfectly inside of me by his Creator. Praise the Lord!

Because of this truth, I requested another ultrasound with the high risk doctor. I want to know every ounce of John Haven’s body. I want to know exactly how to pray. I want to know every single detail about my son. We know the basics: Trisomy 18, omphalocele, heart defects, cysts on his brain, small chest cavity, clubbed foot... and the list goes on. But mama’s ready to know it all. Every detail, every diagnosis, every expectation, everything. I’ve been healthily denying it all, refusing to accept the diagnosis. Putting all hope in the Father. And of course He alone is our hope, but this mama wants to know her child. I want to denounce every defect and claim healing and victory over specific parts of my son’s body!

Until the appointment, my greatest prayer is for John Haven to be alive at birth. I want to hold his life-filled body, feel his warmth in my arms, and hear his sweet cry. Join with me in this prayer! Declare LIFE over John Haven, for the glory of the Lord! “I will sing the Lord’s praise, for he has been good to me.” Psalm 13:6